Schizophrenia
by myinukoi
Summary: Tsunade botches up a justu and Naruto’s personality is divided into 5 characters: Lust, Anger, Gluttony, Smarts, and Innocence. Now the remainder of Team 7 must retrieve all of Naruto’s quirks and return them to his body before it’s too late. SasuNaru.
1. Prologue: The Accident

**title**: Schizophrenia

**author**: myinukoi

**warning(s)**: shounen-ai, language, sexual references

**pairing(s)**: Sasunaru

**disclaimer**: I disclaim.

//**summary**;; After Tsunade botches up a justu, Naruto's personality is divided into five characters: Lust, Anger, Gluttony, Smarts, and Innocence. It's up to the remainder of Team 7 to retrieve all of Naruto's quirks and return them to his body before it's too late. SasuNaru.

-

**Schizophrenia**

Prologue

_Schizophrenia: A situation or condition that results from the coexistence of disparate or antagonistic qualities, identities, or activities_

-

Sasuke was nervous.

Dreadfully, unspeakably, dejectedly nervous.

"Tch, boy. You look like you're about to pass out. Can I get a little trust here?" Tsunade mumbled through tightly knit lips. Her brow was furrowed in concentration. "This is the last ingredient, so I need to get this _just right_...so bring forth a more trustworthy atmosphere, your nerves are wracking_ my_ nerves."

Sasuke tried to fake a confident smirk, but his sweaty, shaky palms gave him away. The silver liquid in the dropper was placed right above the narrow test tube.

_This is it,_ Sasuke thought, _I'm officially betraying Naruto's trust because of my insecurities. Kami..._

The silver liquid fell from the dropper when Tsunade's gloved hands pressed the black cushion at the top.

Sasuke watched it all in slow motion as the lucid ball descended down to the clear liquid. The_ plop!_ seemed just as noisy as Sasuke's racing heart.

A smoke cloud emitted from the beaker, and Tsunade sighed, seemingly pleased.

Sasuke, however, was still unnerved.

"It worked." The Godaime removed her gloves and tossed them in a near bin with practiced ease. "Go get the gaki." She shooed the Uchiha away but Sasuke did not move.

"I'm-I'm not so sure about this anymore. What if what I hear isn't what I want to hear? The chance is too great. He never showed any indication that he cared for me..._that way_, before..."

Tsunade rolled her eyes as she placed the vital liquid into a cup of instant ramen with careful, concentrated drops from a new, clean dropper

"Uh...duh?" She rolled her eyes and suspected the rumors of the last Sharingan-user's genius must have only been_ rumors_. "That's why we're doing the jutsu on him. To see how he feels. He won't remember any of it anyway, so I don't see what the big deal is. Go bring the idiot!"

"But Tsunade! I--"

She walked up to the Uchiha, lifted him up by his trademark high-collared shirt, and growled, "Listen, boy. You begged me for a week to create that jutsu, you forced me to send out our top Jounin to retrieve the ingredients from Lightning, and I spent sixty-seven hours creating that potion. So get the fuck out of my office and get the blond idiot!!!"

Sasuke was out of the door before the powerful female could blink.

-

At first, Sasuke thought there was no way any ninja, hell - any person! - could easily accept food from another with such a mischievous smirk and radiative wicked intent.

Yet, Naruto was never normal, and after all, "It's ramen, Teme!"

The last of the broth was gone with a final slurp and the blond seemed pleased and at ease, yet undeniably anxious.

"Mmmm...Tsunade-baba, that ramen was better than the usual kind. Is it a different flavor?" He examined the styrofoam cup yet Tsunade's impish smile and Sasuke's jitteriness never faded. "No, it's normal chicken. Did you buy it from a different market? No. I buy _all_ my ramen from _all_ of Konoha's markets. Kami, it was soooo good! Wait!" Realization dawned upon the bright ninja's butter-colored head. He gasped.

"You! You two put something in my ram--"

Naruto passed out.

"Kami! Was that supposed to happen?!" Sasuke cried as he rushed to the unconscious boy's side.

"Don't touch him!" Tsunade stood up, her hand put out in front of her in a signal to cease. Sasuke froze and then stepped back.

The two watched the blond for a good five minutes.

"Nothing's happening." Tsunade muttered.

"No shit?" Sasuke muttered, yet his worry was unmasked.

Tsunade ignored the rudeness, her entire being focused on the slumbering child.

"He should've woken up by now. I don't know what went wro– Shit! Did you see that?!" Tsunade screeched, thoroughly disturbed. This _never_ happened before!

"What!" Sasuke spun in a frantic circle. "See what? What I miss?"

A luminescent blur that reflected the light pouring in from the windows with majestic colors, shimmered next to Naruto.

"Wow..." Sasuke mumbled, viewing the anomaly. "Should we move the dobe, now?"

"No..." Tsunade whispered. "He seems undisturbed. Just leave him as he is. We're going to observe this oddity and try to make a guess as to wha--" the busty blond was halted as five chronological 'poof!'s echoed throughout the room, leaving much smoke in its wake.

When the fumes and fog finally cleared, a very conscious, but very different Naruto was sitting up, staring at his rival and his village leader with blank, glacial eyes.

Behind him were five more Naruto's, that could in _no way_, be confused with Kage Bunshins.

Pink.

Red.

Orange.

Purple.

White.

"_What. The. Fuck?"_

-

//**author notes**;; Wow...where did this idea come from...? Oh yeah! That episode of "Fairly Odd Parents" where Timmy wished all his emotions away and all the feelings were all personified by cute little shapes and iconic symbols. Adorable.

Feedback? Comments? Reviews?


	2. Chapter 1: The Traits

**title**: Schizophrenia

**author**: myinukoi

**warning(s)**: shounen-ai, **language (beware of it in this chapter!!!)**, sexual references,ooc

**pairing(s)**: Sasunaru

**disclaimer**: I disclaim.

//**summary**;; After Tsunade botches up a justu, Naruto's personality is divided into five characters: Lust, Anger, Gluttony, Smarts, and Innocence. It's up to the remainder of Team 7 to retrieve all of Naruto's quirks and return them to his body before it's too late. SasuNaru.

-

**Schizophrenia**

Chapter 1

-

_When the fumes and fog finally cleared, a very conscious, but very different Naruto was sitting up, staring at his rival and his village leader with blank, glacial eyes._

_Behind him were five more Naruto's, that could in no way, be confused with Kage Bunshins. _

_Pink. Red. Orange. Purple. White._

"**What. The. Fuck?"**

-

The Naruto to the far right gasped loudly. His eyes were wide - much larger and bluer than the original Naruto's - and they shimmered oh-so prettily with a luminescent light. He wore an oversized white T-shirt that reached his knees and shorts could be assumed to be worn underneath as well. His blond hair shook from side to side as he covered his ears in an attempt to block out what was already said. He could easily be mistaken as an angel.

"Ohmigod he cursed. The brunet cursed! He said a bad, bad word. A curse word! Gah! Badbadbad! Ohmigeeee!!!"

Sasuke and Tsunade stared at the rambling child. Surely this couldn't be Naruto. The blond loved to use curse words! His favorite form of speech, undoubtedly. So who was this child that damned the words into the eternal pits of hell? A monk-in-training?

"Fuck?" The Naruto version on the far left questioned. His oversized tee was instead a deep, dark red. His blond locks seemed a bit darker... kinda orange, and it was definitely messier. His eyes held a bitter loathing; a hatred so deep, others would undoubtedly refrain from looking him in the eyes. He could easily be mistaken as a demon.

"Is that what's bothering you?" The crueler Naruto asked with mock concern, but then his predatory smirk and self-righteous voice returned. "' Cuz it doesn't bother me! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" The white-clothed Naruto seemed at the verge of tears, he was so upset with the cursing.

All the while, the crimson-clothed devil chanted out the 'forbidden F word', the Naruto clone in the center of the five began to smile. This clone was androgynous. The longest hair of all the clones, it reached his shoulders and was streamed with lines of fuchsia. This clone seemed like a played-down version of the original blond's Sexy no Jutsu – without the breast, much magenta, and a lustful smirk. As the bullying Naruto continued to torment the sainted Naruto, this whorish Naruto seemed to get even more giddy as the vile curse word was shouted. He squeezed his thighs together so tightly, it looked as though something with the possibility to rape would unexpectedly pop out. So, at the twenty-ninth 'fuck', this pink-decked Naruto jumped up with a loud, hearty, "Yes, please!!!"

The blond baka inbetween the lustful and angry one's drooling head popped up as he looked around expectantly. "What!" He shouted hoarsely and his cerulean eyes danced around with gluttonous glee as if he had been starved of all sources of nutrition for weeks. "Did someone say cheese?" He had obviously mistaken the horny Naruto's 'please' for the solid dairy confection. "I want cheese! I love cheese! I like cheddar cheese, goat cheese, colby cheese, mozzarella cheese, muenster cheese..." As sad as it was to admit, this Naruto clone resembled the original dork more than all the rest. It's orange T-shirt and dazed rambling could most easily be compared to the real Naruto's. And even though we believed it could never be verily said, this someone seemed to certainly be less intelligent than the primal blond dumbass. "Monterey jack cheese, provolone cheese, brie cheese, camembert cheese, edam cheese..."

Now, the Naruto between the Chouji-simlie and the weeping paragon was...the most _peculiar_. His yellow hair was combed into neat, golden spikes. His purple shirt appeared _ironed_, as strange as it is to admit. His face was passive and he stared at the confusing commotion with observant blue irises through purple, square-framed reading glasses. "I believe," he spoke with intellectual authority that rang in volumes, "that we have escaped our host's body."

His calm tones were barely audible beyond the chaos and commotion of his brothers.

"Waaaahhh–Don't make me cry! Stop, please! Your actions are disgraceful! So perverted...! Uuuhhn!"

"Lust! Back the fuck up, you fucking tranny! If you know what's good for you, bitch, you won't make me pistol-whip your ass!"

"Pistol-whip...? That sounds kinda kinky! C'mon then, let's do _it_!"

"Blue cheese, cottage cheese, cream cheese, feta cheese, swiss cheese...wait! Did somebody say whip! I love whip cream! I love it on my pies and on top of my coffee and on my..."

"Whipped cream! Mmmm...who wants to try that with me, yea?"

"Gah! Stuh-Stop saying perverted thuh-things!!"

"What the hell, Tsunade?!" Sasuke's growl of anger hushed the entire group and they looked on in question.

"Um...I...er..." she mumbled in befuddlement.

Sasuke turned his angry glare to the Narutos.

"Who the hell are you guys?!" Sasuke's choler reached its limit.

"What the fuck are we? Who the fuck are you?" The crimson-clothed Naruto sputtered, pointing an accusing finger at all the others, his glare was menacing in its intensity.

"Ah! Is this my fault?" The fallen-from-heaven blond asked in a unsure whimper, his white shirt was stained in tears. "I bet it is! Ah! I'm sooo clumsy...!"

"Hey? Who's this one? Kinda hot if I do say so myself..." the lascivious blond poked a hot pink-painted finger nail into a scarred cheek.

Sasuke and Tsunade looked to the owner of the molested-by-finger cheek and Sasuke's hard glare wavered and then dropped completely, only to be replaced by sorrow.

"Naruto..."

The original Naruto sat on the floor; eyes intensely blank, limbs languid and stiff. Sasuke bent down to the blond child and wrapped him in his arms in comfort that he vainly hoped reached the boy. Even with Naruto's condition currently undiagnosed, all occupants in the room could tell that the blue-eyed teen was too far away to be physically or mentally reached. Sasuke's pale arms clutched his unresponsive love interest tighter.

Tsunade coughed uncomfortably.

Sasuke's gaze never left Naruto and he questioned the Godaime with cold, calculating indifference. "Tsunade. Explain."

"Uh...you see...? Hm...? Give me time."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. The hag could fix Naruto...right?

"Yes," Tsunade muttered more to herself than Sasuke, "All I need is time... and my apprentice."

-

"Look at it this way, Sasuke, y'know, in a more positive light..." Sakura used a skilled hand to push her pink tresses away from her line of vision. "You are surrounded by five hot bishounens, all in the shape of Naruto," Sakura ignored Sasuke's interjection of '_But they're _not_ Naruto, and you see, that makes all the difference._' "And one of them is more than willing to...er..._love_ you," Sakura referred to the lusty version of the blond and also ignored Sasuke's _'Having sex with that thing is pretty much synonymous with rape of the real, and probably unwilling, Naruto..._' "This also gives you a legitimate reason to brood and angst. Isn't that fun?"

"With the slaughter of my clan by my own brother's hand, you'd believe I'd have more than enough reason to brood and angst..." Sasuke muttered dispassionately.

"That card is... what? Ten...eleven years old?" Sakura mumbled as she scrutinized another clone... those food stains on that orange tee will be sooo difficult to remove.

"What about my unrequited love for Naruto? My current situation?" Sasuke countered back to the medic kunoichi, feeling the need to vindicate himself and his moodiness.

"Your unrequited love had about a fifty percent chance of perhaps not being so unrequited. If you had only countered your problems like any other normal love-stricken teenager, you could have solved both that problem," and Tsunade nodded to the clones, "and this one."

Sasuke's anger (which had been seeming quite limitless lately) tipped over once again. "This is your fault. Do try and remember that." His voice was cold with barely contained rage.

Tsunade held her hands up in mock defense. "Ah, Ah. No need to get bitchy. Sakura and I are fixing it, alright. He isn't going to die so calm down, Uchiha."

"Hn." Sasuke turned his head away in defiance. "So what do you have? If you know he's not going to die, than you must already know what's wrong, right?"

Sakura sighed as she completed her inspection and critique of the situation.

"So," Tsunade's keen stare never left Sasuke as she spoke to the blush-haired girl. "Is my theory correct?"

"Aa, Tsunade-sama. Will you explain or shall I?"

"Let us both?" The blond offered and Sakura nodded in agreement.

"Naruto," Tsunade started. "Is now a vegetable."

Sasuke's pale face went paler and he felt his entire body quake even though he was stark still.

Sakura sighed. "Tsunade..." She chose to clarify. "Those 'bunshins' of Naruto weren't bunshins at all. They are..._Naruto_. In a very strange sense. How do I explain something like this...?"

Sasuke listened intently.

"Those five characters," Tsunade intervened, referring to the numeral blonds that conversed among themselves, ignoring the three nins, "are the five main parts of Naruto's personality. It seems that when I created the justu with the intention of bringing forth the subconscious part of Naruto that could possibly have feelings for you, the potion was botched and it ended up dividing Naruto's inner-self and bringing those personality traits out - _literally_."

"Examining the characters," Sakura held a finger to her lip in contemplation as she allowed her eyes to flitter across the clipboard containing her observations. "I have concluded for the sake of saving us all puzzlement, that it would be best to name off these Naruto Traits as they are." She looked up to from her clipboard to glance at Sasuke and Tsunade, then she pointed to the Traits.

The one in the pink, that was currently trying to coax the one in orange into using food in more pleasurable ways. "That is Lust. He probably signifies the sexually frustrated side of Naruto. Not too far off seeing as Naruto is twenty and still a virgin." She shrugged. "Pity. I guess that's what happens when you keep up sexual energy stored up for so long." She gave Sasuke a pointed look, but it was returned with an icy stare that rung in different, crescendoing volumes of 'fuck you'.

"That," she pointed to the one munching on as much as a dozen of the miniature chocolate treats that Tsunade kept in her office for complimentary purposes. "Is Gluttony. It shouldn't be too difficult to see how this one came to be, but I'll explain anyway." Thick, dark chocolate leaked out the corner Gluttony's pink perk lips. Sasuke didn't know if he should feel awkward for being aroused or weirded out seeing as he was also slightly disgusted. "It eats all things edible. And I wouldn't put it past this one to eat things that are also _non-edible_. It seems to have quite the oral fixation. I have caught him up to twice already with his thumb in his mouth." Sasuke's eyes softened a bit as he recalled overnight missions and sleep overs where the blond would lay in slumber with his thumb in between his pouty lips. "This one is quite childish, but rather educated when it comes to cuisine."

Sakura now focused the attention on the one that has taken up to bullying the white-clothed blond. "This Naruto has taken up a new obsession rather quickly seeing as it is quite fond of bullying. He takes a liking to playing pranks, and though his are a bit cruller and more cold-hearted than _our_ Naruto's, it still involves the same technique and talent. His vocabulary is impressively creative when it comes to cursing, foul-mouthing, and all solid insults. Quick to temper, preferable to general violence, and very vengeful, I have dubbed this one - for obvious reasons - Anger. I suggest you be weary."

Tsunade and Sasuke nodded, _quite_ weary.

"This one should be known as Smarts." Tsunade and Sasuke sputtered on air and Sakura chuckled.

"I know," she giggled a bit, "it shocked me a bit too."

"Well then!" Tsunade urged her protégée onward. "Please explain."

"I must say, I couldn't call this trait Genius. I, without a doubt, am sure that if Naruto had any type of unfathomable intelligence, it would have shown."

The two listeners nodded in agreement.

"This part of Naruto shows rarely. Where Naruto comes up with clever schemes or makes worthwhile observations. This character is more common sense of sorts. Strange, seeing as such sound reasoning is sometimes absent in the great minds of geniuses. Smarts is quick with deductions and analyzing. He makes observations and comes up with a solution using his strong sense of judgement. He prefers to avoid unnecessary trouble and chooses the paths that grant him the greatest rewards for the least amount of effort."

Tsunade nodded in understanding, seeing as she was quite similar. Sasuke commented, "Reminds me of Shikamaru."

"Perhaps that is why the two are such good friends..." Tsunade agreed.

"The final one?" The single brunet asked, ready to find a solution as soon as possible and avoid wasting any more time.

"The final one, is Innocence."

"No shit?" Tsunade murmured, sipping a bit of sake.

Sakura ignored her sensei's rude remark. "Innocence makes up - more or less - Naruto's naivety. He's the one that shows more than all the rest, sometime obviously with one of Naruto's dim statements and sometimes subtly with Naruto's endless devotion and loyalty to the village. I believe that it is this forgiving, juvenile Naruto that persuaded Tsunade into becoming Godaime, this Naruto that retrieved Sasuke from Sound, and this Naruto who makes him who he is."

Sasuke, who chose not to dwell on the heartfelt words as they would bring an unbearable stab of guilt and remorse, and instead asked, "Well, what about our Naruto? The original one?"

Tsunade stepped in, "Without his personality, Naruto is, quite literally, emotionally dead. He can respond to questions, but such things he did before - such as training that required _motivation_ or re-telling his adventures that demanded _compassion_ - are not possible. We need to get these five characters back within a week's time."

Sasuke allowed his dark bangs to conceal his pain-ridden eyes with ominous shadows. "And what will happen if we can't get it back?"

Sakura's eyes shifted to the floor but Tsunade's gaze remained hard and determined. "We will."

"But I would like to know what will happen if we can't." Sasuke's voice was _cold_.

Tsunade sighed. "If we cannot return the characteristics within seven days, beginning tomorrow, we won't be able to return them at all. And it is strongly suggested that if forced to choose between the two options of either allowing Naruto to continue to live as he is now - brain dead, more-or-less - and death, I believe the latter course would be much less painful... for all of us."

Sasuke and Sakura took in a rugged breath, but then the younger medic nin began to laugh nervously as she patted her brunet teammate on the back comfortingly. "But we'll definitely fix this so don't even worry, Sasuke-kun! Cheer up, because Naruto is counting on us, you especially!"

This brought a flicker to Sasuke's dark eyes and he shrugged noncomittedly, but the two women in his company could tell that inside he was soaring with unstoppable determination. They would bring back Naruto - the three of them.

Tsunade smiled as the tension in the air began to vanish little by little. She spoke up.

"Sakura and I, along with a few other of Konoha's top medic nins, will use the remaining hours of today and tomorrow to prepare Naruto's body and mind for his spirit. The jutsus will take up one hundred and ten percent of our undivided concentration, so the Hokage Tower will be off-limits for the next twenty hours. When his body is ready for the intake of the traits, we will have to send in one of the five at a time. With the day one day it will take to make sure the body is ready for the transitions, and each day thereafter to carry out said transitions, that will be six days and will only leave one day to correct any mistake. Do you understand, Sasuke?"

He nodded an affirmative, but had a question nonetheless. "But where will these traits be during all of this? What do we do to keep them from escaping?"

"I thought you would have figured it out by now, Sasuke..." Sakura's eyebrows furrowed.

Sasuke's snarled. "Figure what out, Sakura?"

"That you'll be caring over the five Traits. I mean, with the Uchiha Estate, you sure as hell can't complain about room or space. "

"B-But...!" He tried to protest, but couldn't find the words. Couldn't even find an excuse as to not keep them with him.

"When we're ready for one of those bunshins-gone-wrong, we'll send over someone to pick them up from your home, alright Uchiha?" Tsunade commanded rather than asked. The authority in her tone rung volumes.

Sakura ushered all the Traits from their preoccupying activities, and brought them to the dark-haired man.

"Just don't rape them, eh, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura winked coyly.

When Sakura left to tend to the original Naruto, Tsunade leaned over and whispered into Sasuke's ear, "But if you _do_, try to record it for your Baa-san, eh, Uchiha?"

-


End file.
